


restless and loud, unspoken and wild

by preciousthings



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 05:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9221951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousthings/pseuds/preciousthings
Summary: The thing no one tells you about falling for your best friend is that despite all attempts to make sure nothing changes, things will change. And once they do, you can’t stop them from changing either.(or: Nate isn’t exactly sure when he fell in love with Mikey.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello! it's taken me over two years, but here i am FINALLY posting a hockey fic! inspired by many love songs and how cute these two are.  
> if you found this by googling your own name, or the name of someone you know, please hit the back button to save us all from further embarrassment. 
> 
> thanks to nicole for reading this over!
> 
> title from 'the words' by christina perri.

Nate isn’t exactly sure when he fell in love with Mikey.

It happened slow enough that he was never aware of it until it hit him like taking a puck to the face.

It’s summer, and they’re playing street hockey, and Mikey is tan and shirtless and grinning at Nate after he scores a goal from Nate’s pass, and _oh God_ , Nate might love him.

It scares the shit out of him.

Mikey is his best friend. This was never supposed to happen. He can’t be in love with Mikey. It can’t be a thing. Not when this upcoming season is leading up to _the draft_. There’s a lot riding on this and falling in love with Mikey was never part of the plan.

“Nater,” Mikey is standing in front of him, waving a hockey stick in front of his face. “Earth to Nater. You look like you saw a ghost.”

Nate blinks a few times. He didn’t realize he’d ended up standing alone. He swears there were people standing here like, five seconds ago. “Maybe I did.”

Okay, so.

Maybe that wasn’t the best comeback.

Mikey is still making his concerned friend face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, ‘m great.” Nate says, voice completely steady, and it might be the most convincing lie he’s ever told.

When it comes down to lying to Mikey or _I just realized that I’m probably in love with you and it hit me like a fucking train_ , he prefers the former. He can lie if he has to.

“Good,” Mikey grins at him, taps Nate’s shin with his stick, “C’mon, stop spacing on me, we have a game to win.”

“Alright, I’ll race you back!” Nate says, and takes off back towards the rest of the group before Mikey can even react.

Anything to keep this feeling normal.

 

•••

 

It’s easier to be in love with Mikey from a distance during the offseason. It’s not the same dizzying, ever-present feeling he gets when he’s around Mikey, like he’s suddenly feeling _too much_ and _all the things_ , and it’s overwhelming, how much Nate loves him sometimes.  

It’s easy when, for a few months, his entire friendship with Mikey is based in a text message thread and a Snapchat streak that hits 100 days halfway through the summer, with occasional calls and hanging out sometimes, when they can. It’s less of a pressing feeling. More of a constant hum that Nate has just learned to live with.

And yeah, Nate misses Mikey when he isn’t spending every day with him, but he keeps trying to tell himself that this is better right now.

When the season starts again, Nate is thrown back into his old routine. That routine typically involves a lot of Mikey. They’re best friends and teammates who tend to do most things together, of course it does.

On the first day back in Mississauga, Mikey hugs Nate in the locker room. Nate hugs back tightly and it’s so familiar and Nate’s brain is short-circuiting, just a little bit.

They see each other nearly every day because of practice, but for the first time, Nate is quietly thankful they don’t go to school together.

The thing no one tells you about falling for your best friend is that despite all attempts to make sure nothing changes, things will change. And once they do, you can’t stop them from changing either.

 

•••

 

“You’re acting weird,” Mikey tells Nate, out of nowhere.

It’s January. Nate’s been in love with Mikey for over half a year at this point. Things were going well on that front, he thought.

“I literally haven’t said anything in twenty minutes. How can I be acting anything if I haven’t spoken?”

They’re both on Mikey’s bed; Nate struggling with homework, and Mikey, across from him, looking at something on his phone. There’s no school for either of them tomorrow because of snow, but they still have practice and Mikey made it pretty clear that there was no way Nate could get out of staying over at his house.

Nate’s been keeping some distance lately, a shock to the perfectly crafted system they’d spent an entire season building up. It’s not even _that much_ distance. They’re just a little less attached-at-the-hip than before. Mikey must have caught on.

“Not just tonight, like, the past few weeks.”

Oh.

Okay, yeah, he definitely caught on, then.

“Oh.” Nate says, because he _cannot_ come up with anything else to say. He didn’t want this to get weird and he certainly didn’t want Mikey to call him out on it.

Nate looks down. In the twelve years he’s been going to school, he’s never focused this hard on math homework; he’s practically glaring daggers into his notebook. Right now, he’ll do anything to not look Mikey in the eye.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Clouder. Except my calc homework. That’s not fine.” Nate huffs, but he’s not sure if it’s because of this entire situation, or because of the derivatives of inverse trig functions.  

“You’re not convincing. And fucking – just stop with that.” Mikey snatches the notebook in front of Nate and actually _throws it_ across the room. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Nate doesn’t even get up to grab his notebook; it’d be counterintuitive. They’re having this conversation despite how badly Nate doesn’t want to.

“You gonna talk to me now?” Mikey asks, softly. He doesn’t seem mad, despite having thrown the notebook.

Nate shrugs.

The easy thing to do right now, the _smart_ thing to do, is to _tell_ Mikey that he loves him and take whatever comes of it. But now, halfway through their draft year, that feels like a risk Nate isn’t willing to take. And when has he ever been smart about his feelings for Mikey?

Mikey is usually pretty easy to read, that’s one of the things Nate has gotten really good at, but he’s still not sure what Mikey would do if he just kissed him.

“I thought we told each other stuff, Nater.”

They did. They _do_. Nate is pretty sure there aren’t many people currently walking the earth that know more about him than Mikey does.

“You’ve just been acting weird.”

“I’m fine, really. I promise.” Nate says, eventually. “Just some stuff going on, but I’m fine.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Mikey nudges Nate across the bed with his knee.

Nate shrugs again.

“Is it like, a guy thing? You know you can talk to me about all of that, too.”

That’s just one of the things Mikey knows about Nate that not many others do. Nate told Mikey pretty early on, felt like he needed to because he knew that Mikey would find out eventually anyway. Mostly, though, it’s just an unsaid kind of thing. Nate is okay with the knowledge that Mikey knows, and Mikey is more than okay with the fact that Nate is into guys. It doesn’t come up much. Or ever, really.

“Someone at school, yeah,” Nate lies; he’s gotten really good at it lately. He’s not sure if that fact makes him a terrible friend. “He’s not interested, but it’s cool. I’ll get over it.”

“Oh, shit, dude, that sucks.” Mikey says, and he’s so fucking sincere about it.

Nate is definitely a terrible friend.

“It’s whatever, I guess. Like I said, I’ll get over it.”

“If you ever want to talk about it more, you know where I am.”

“Thanks, Mikey.” Nate grins at him.

 

 

The rest of the night is just regular Nate and Mikey hanging out, and Nate is so thankful for it. They watch a movie on Mikey’s laptop, sides pressed together, and Nate never actually retrieves his calc homework. They both fall asleep in Mikey’s bed, and even though Mikey’s back is very close to Nate’s front, it takes everything in Nate to not just pull him in closer.

Self-control. He’s got that, or at least he can pretend he does.

 

•••

 

Draft week is more overwhelming than Nate could have ever imagined, and it’s _just starting_ , and he hasn’t even been drafted yet.

He can’t stop thinking about how much could be different after this week. The next few years of his life are basically set after this. And the odds of being able to continue going through this _with_ Mikey? Pretty slim. Nate’s mad he even let his mind wander that way.

Things are still weird with Mikey. Less weird, but still weird. But _shit_ , this could be it for them. Legend of the Superbuddies, over just like that. Maybe they’ll have next year in ‘Sauga. But after that, who knows?

It scares the shit out of him.

More than loving Mikey, losing Mikey terrifies Nate.

Realistically, he doesn’t have to lose Mikey, if he just told him that _hey, maybe my feelings for you are the least platonic things I’ve ever felt_. 

(Stop that, Nate, that’s a dumb idea and you know it)

That’s not something he wants to deal with right now, on top of everything else he has to deal with this week. Romantic feelings for his best friend that he’s just learned to live with fall very low on the list of things relevant and important to Nate’s life this week.

There’s a lot of official stuff leading up to the draft, most of which Nate’s not participating in, but with three days until the draft, he has to do _something_ to distract himself from everything. So when PL texts him about hanging out, Nate goes. They’re friends, and they don’t see each other often.

If it gets his mind off of the draft, and the Mikey thing, so be it.

Mostly it’s fine. It’s fun. PL is cool, and they hang out and explore a little bit around downtown Buffalo when PL isn’t doing Actual Top Prospect Stuff. Nate’s just trying to be an 18-year-old kid for a little while before everything really starts to get crazy.

(They find a statue of a buffalo in Buffalo, which is a lot funnier to Nate than it should be, and Nate insists they stop. He sends a snapchat to Mikey, among a few others – just a picture of the buffalo captioned “a buffalo IN buffalo ”

“C’mon,” Nate says, nodding toward the buffalo.

“No.” PL responds, without Nate even _asking_. Nate suspects he’s a mind reader.

“I didn’t say anything else!”

“You want me to climb onto the statue.” Okay, so maybe PL _is_ a mind reader. Or maybe Nate is so predictable that PL knew he wanted to climb on the statue, because why would he _not_?

“Fucking right I do,” Nate smirks, and he’s already hopping up onto the buffalo.

PL has his phone out, presumably sending a snapchat of Nate on the buffalo to whatever prospects he has in his contacts.

“You gotta get on the buffalo. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. You have to do it.”

PL rolls his eyes, dramatically enough that he _knows_ Nate saw it, and then he’s finding a random person to take a picture, before he climbs on the buffalo behind Nate.

“Thank you,” Nate grins, satisfied. When PL gets his phone back, Nate watches over his shoulder as he sends it to a bunch of people on his snapchat list, Mikey included.)

Nate can tell PL is trying to keep his mind off of everything as much as he is.

He’s sure everyone here is doing the same thing right now. Blissfully ignoring what’s happening around them.

 

 

He hasn’t really heard much from Mikey. They haven’t been doing the whole attached-at-the-hip thing this week, and they’ve texted and snapchatted a little, but Nate feels like he’s seen far less of Mikey this week than he was expecting to.

Mikey texts him the night before the draft, tells Nate to come down the hall to his room when he’s not busy, and Nate doesn’t even know why Mikey would be under the impression that Nate’s busy, now, when it’s nearing midnight.

He barely remembers his keycard on the way out the door, shoves his phone into the pocket of his hoodie, and stops in front of Mikey’s door, hesitating a bit before he knocks.

Mikey opens the door without saying anything, just steps aside to let Nate in.

“Hey,” Nate says, because it hasn’t even been ten seconds but this just feels _tense_. He sits on end of the bed he’s pretty sure is Mikey’s. He must be right, because Mikey sits down at the opposite end.

There must only be a foot and a half between them, at most, but it feels like miles.

“Hey.”

“You ready for tomorrow?”

Mikey shrugs. “Nervous, I guess. Trying not to think about it too much. You?”

“Same.”

Nate’s not sure why this feels uncomfortable. He’s _sure_ he didn’t do anything wrong.  

He doesn’t think Mikey could be mad at him for any reason, unless there’s something Mikey isn’t telling him.

“Are you hooking up with PL?” Mikey asks, eventually.

Nate laughs. No, he _cackles_.

“Are you serious? You think I’m hooking up with PL?” he asks, once he’s stopped laughing enough to form words.

“You’ve spent like, most of this week with him! I don’t know.”

“I’ve spent like, most of the past two years with you.” Nate points out.

“But that’s different!” Mikey sputters, and Nate is _sure_ he’s blushing.

“Are you jealous of him?” Nate smirks.

“I’m not jealous of Pierre-Luc Dubois, what the fuck, Nathan.”

The silence that follows borders on painful. The TV is on, barely loud enough for Nate to hear anything, and the air conditioner is droning on, but neither of them are speaking.

Nate sighs, about to say something, _anything_ , just to end this moment, but Mikey moves before he can.

He’s sliding over, making the space between them a little smaller, twisting to face Nate, covering Nate’s hand on the bed with his own, leaning in and up, just a little bit, and. Oh.

 _Oh_.

Mikey is kissing him.

It’s not a _great_ kiss, but Mikey’s lips are soft, and, holy shit, he’s kissing Mikey. Mikey’s hand on top of Nate’s is definitely shaking, and it’s over too quickly; He pulls back, and Nate doesn’t think he’s ever seen a look that _scared_ on Mikey’s face.

“So you _are_ jealous of him?” Nate asks, dazed. He’s still trying to process this. Apparently processing includes completely inappropriate humor, because Mikey’s expression changes from something terrified to something Nate can’t even read.

“You’re completely missing the point.” Mikey is quiet and he gets up off the bed like— like maybe Nate has completely ruined this. Maybe Nate blew his only shot.

It’s a few minutes before either of them do anything. They’re not facing each other, and Nate’s doing everything he can not to square in on Mikey right now, but Mikey, he looks tense and nervous. The kind of tense and nervous that Nate typically fixes with a hug.

“I’m just gonna…” Nate says, eventually, when it gets too hard to just sit there and pretend like nothing happened.

“No,” Mikey turns to grab Nate’s wrist before he can get up to leave. “We’re talking about this.” His tone is one Nate’s pretty sure he’s never heard before, outside of his captainly voice. It’s assertive, demanding, and in a way, so unlike Mikey. He sits back down next to Nate just as Nate lays back on the bed. Mikey does the same.

“You kissed me.” Nate says, staring at the ceiling.

(Way to go, Nate, stating the fucking obvious.)

“And you’re not sleeping with PL.”

Nate shakes his head. “I have never slept with PL. I’ve never even thought about it.”

“Come on, Nater, never?” Mikey says, “He’s kind of hot, like not my type, but you’re like—”

Nate waits, like Mikey might finish his sentence, but he gets the feeling that wasn’t supposed to happen. He waits another second before he slides his hand over just a little bit, so it’s on top of Mikey’s.

“I’m what?” he asks.

Nate waits. He won’t push.

At some point, Mikey had flipped his hand over and laced their fingers together; Nate had barely noticed. It’s nice. They’re just lying there next to each other, but somehow it feels like the most intimate moment Nate’s ever been a part of.

“My type,” Mikey says, eventually, so quiet Nate can barely tell what he said.

“What’d you say?”

“That you’re my type.”

Nate takes a deep breath. “You’re my type, too,” he says, surprisingly calm despite how badly he wants this. How badly he’s _wanted_ this. He continues, because why stop now. “You’re everything, Mikey. Um, to me.”

Mikey rolls over so he’s on top of Nate, and kisses him again. It’s better this time, more urgent, and Nate’s not completely shocked into doing nothing. They’re kissing and kissing and Nate can’t believe that he’s _finally_ kissing Mikey McLeod.

When Mikey breaks the kiss, he rolls onto his back again, and Nate sits up so he can see Mikey’s face. He’s grinning, larger than Nate’s seen him smile this entire week.

“Um,” Mikey says, sitting up, cross-legged to face Nate, “I love you. If I hadn’t made that clear already.”

Nate’s going to do it. He’s going to take the jump that he’s been scared to do since summer the night before his entire life changes. An hour ago, this wasn’t even an option. But Mikey kissed him, and Mikey _loves him_ , and he has nothing to lose right now.

“I’m in love with you. I don’t even know how long I’ve been in love with you, but I’ve been wanting to tell you since last July.”

Nate leans across the space between them to kiss Mikey again, because he can do that now.

 

 

Later that night, when it’s well past 1 a.m. and they’re both spent and so, _so_ happy, Mikey twists himself in Nate’s arms to look at him.

“D’you wanna date me?” he whispers.

Nate nods, kisses his boyfriend’s forehead. “There’s nothing I want more.”

 

•••

 

New Jersey wants him. They _picked_ him, a day after they’d picked Mikey. 

Nate’s getting what he’s always wanted, and now he has Mikey too. He never had to lose him.

It ended up better than he could’ve ever imagined.

**Author's Note:**

> -[nate and PL did actually take a picture on a buffalo in buffalo.](https://twitter.com/14Nbast/status/745102405591777280) it's one of my faves and i had to write it in. 
> 
> -[twitter](https://twitter.com/angtric) / [tumblr](marns16.tumblr.com)! come talk to me!


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